Maybe I should rephrase that. I hate winter in Chicago. In London, it doesn’t really snow. Yes, it gets cold. But it doesn’t get a low temperature of -50 degrees Fahrenheit, with expected wind chill on top of it. But Chicago does.
In London, this closes school:
In Chicago, that’s what people pray for. That’s what they want to commute in. That, up there, is child’s play. All of London shuts down when that happens. But not in Chicago. Even when I lived in Connecticut, if it snowed a lot, we got a snow day. And waking up knowing you will have a snow day vs. waking up knowing you have to go to school are two different experiences. Snow day wake ups involve practically backflipping out of bed, and planning your entire day.Waking up knowing that you have to go to school is the exact opposite. There is no spring in your step. There is nothing to look forward to. It sucks. But at least you have the chance of having a snow day, and the chance of waking up one morning happy.
In Chicago, if it snows, nobody cares. Because there are plows lined up, waiting to rain on children’s parades. I didn’t get a snow day in Illinois until I was a senior in college — and even then, I had to work so no adult snow days for me. When my brother was younger, he used to tell my parents how he wanted to become a garbage man and then when he was fired become a snow plow man. Although he did not know that it was possible for himself to work both jobs, honestly, why would he ever want that? Little did he know that he would become the person all school kids hate. He would become the person who single-handedly crushed children’s dreams with each working day.
Chicago weather is by far the most painful weather. Extreme cold — as I have mentioned before — is the worst. And Chicago’s extreme cold is no exception. It cuts through you like knives. I am wearing a scarf right now, while sitting in my parents’ den because I am so cold. When in London, you always need to have an umbrella and sunglasses on hand because you don’t know what the weather might do. But in Chicago, you know. When it’s winter, you need the works. Hat, gloves, scarf, sweater, coat, boots. You know that scene in A Christmas Story when Randy has to put all that crap on to keep warm?
Yeah, that’s how I dress to let the dog out in our backyard. It’s nuts. And horrible.
I hate snow. I hate the way it looks, I hate the way it feels. I hate shoveling it, snow-blowing it, driving in it, getting it in my shoe and making my toes cold, and moving it from one part of my driveway to the other. So having to be surrounded by it is a nightmare.
It really makes me think about moving to Florida, but then I am immediately reminded how there is absolutely nothing worse than being in Florida. Maybe I can do with San Diego or somewhere that is not LA in California. But not Chicago. Not until I have the ability to just spray myself down with snow-repelling spray.
Also, can someone PLEASE invent snow-repelling spray?